The Purpose Equation: 3 Ways Men Stay Stuck (and How to Get Un-stuck)
What keeps us estranged from our purpose?
The answer to that question is a simple equation, with 3 components. Read on to learn more.
When we are stuck or stagnant, it’s easy to stay there.
Why?
A negative feedback loop can take hold: our patterns remain unchallenged, we tell ourselves negatively-reinforcing stories, and we would rather hide than take steps to change our state.
To get out of our rut, we need to find a solution that re-connects us to a deeply felt sense of purpose.
This solution has 3 components.
Component 1: Challenge
First- we need to be honest about something.
As men, we tend to avoid pain and seek pleasure. And why not, men are hard-wired to seek the blissful ecstasy of freedom, release and unburdening. Life is hard enough!
But this attitude of burden avoidance keeps us stuck. It’s a flaw in our programming.
We don’t tend to practice strengthening our nervous system, which we need in order to conduct the energy demanded by a life of purpose.
If you’re stuck and languishing, estranged from purpose, the first place to look is “am I truly challenged?” Physically, mentally, spiritually.
This means finding a way to reconnect to the warrior spirit that is asleep in you.
Component 2: Service
When I don’t have anyone outside of myself to serve or focus on, I can get really hung up on my own problems.
Everything is about me. I can stay stuck in this sloppy soup of self-reference for too long.
It can be super hard to remember that the world is not only bigger than me, but it is actually counting on me. (If that sounds grandiose, at least I know my family is counting on me!)
And, if I’m not careful, this awareness can drive me even further into my story, solidifying a shame narrative. “I’m worthless” “Look at my life” “I’m alone”
But if I do the opposite - if I find somebody to serve - my world right-sizes. I have a wheel to throw my shoulder behind, because it’s in service of someone else.
I put my problems in perspective.
Miraculously, I start to lighten up and become happier.
(Sometimes, our problem is that we’re too much in service and we need to focus on self-care. That’s a real thing, too. Sometimes the one we need to serve is ourselves.)
Component 3: Visiblity
This is the crux of the matter.
Why do we need to be visible?
It’s not that we need to be seen in order to be given credit or to be celebrated. Actually, it’s the opposite.
What the deep negative patterns in us want least of all is to be seen. They would rather we stay in the shadows. Why? Because in the shadows, they can control us. In the shadows, they have us pinned down, afraid, ineffective and depressed.
In the shadows, they have us stuck.
If we want to level up from a stuck state - if we want to connect to our purpose - we need to come out of the shadows.
We need to say “Here I am,” and be willing to work with what we have, where we are, as we are.
We are not better than anyone else, and we are not worse than anybody else.
But there’s no one coming to our rescue.
Here’s the Purpose Equation:
Challenge + Service + Visibility = Purpose
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The Embodied Man’s Path of Initiation
cultivate is an 8-week purpose accelerator and body-based men’s group. It is designed to connect each of us more deeply to a felt sense of purpose.
The group connects us to each other (visibility), raises the bar on our vital body-practices (challenge), and gives us an instant venue to offer our gifts in brotherhood (service).
I know of no better way for men to up-level our connection to purpose than a body-based men’s group.